BLAST from the PAST 4

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Friendship is one of the most important things in life. Close relationships help me grow because they provide support, guidance, and love in so many different ways. Having friends enables me to give myself to people in many ways, to share what I know, to learn what they know, to be involved in their lives. From the closest friend that I have, to those who are aquiantances or enemies...every person I know in any way, has contributed to my character, has affected me in some way little or big. Some more than others, but definitely, every person in this world that I know has played a crucial part in my life. I only have a handful though who would, with no doubt, be by my side any second for any reason. And I am truly grateful for those few people. I cry because of a stupid testimonial on friendster Michelle writes me. I get furious because Annie confronts me about how much of a bitch I am. Shit like that. I could go weeks without talking to them and still be so connected and patient with them. I adore each and everyone of them in so many ways. But there are times when friends may hurt each other. And I think I'm dying inside because of something like this. I did not even know the situation was how it was until it was too late - until it was too late for me to do anything, too late for me to say anything, too late to say my reasons for why I acted the way I did. And my heart hurts deeply because of it. There's no pain like the hurt you feel from a friend who you love so much. Now I'm ashamed, guilty, feeling at fault, angry things are the way that they are. I tell myself all the things I should have done to show how much I honestly care everyday. No excuses are good enough, I know and it sure doesn't show I care. But how am I supposed to know how the other one feels? I'm SORRY. That's all I could say. I'm so ashamed I can't even talk about it. I'm so crushed, I can't even confront it. I'm so hurt, I can't even believe it's like this. I'm too pussy, xanga's the only place I'll ever get near to ever talking about it. People fuck up. I really don't know what to do and I'm afraid that nothing is really going to be done because it's too late. But, it's supposed to be never too late right...it's supposed to be better late than never right. But how does that work when I don't think I even have another chance. This is really killing me inside