BLAST from the PAST 3

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Another Christmas has finally passed and in a matter of days, my 20th year of living life will fly by and a new year will begin. It honestly has been the hardest year of my entire life. Unfortunately, I've lost a lot this year - the person I loved the most - ever, a close friend I cherish deeply, and a series of oppurtunities that could have made me a better person. As I reflect on these things, I realize the importance of life. The pain that I've felt this year cannot compare to anything that I've ever felt in life. The feeling dwells inside of me at the pit of my heart, but yet, it amazes me how I've been able to continue and live my life. I've learned many things that have enabled me to live life this year. The energy that explodes out of me through dance, music, and art comes from the hurt I've caused and experienced from Jay. What people see in me today in my personality comes from everything that I've ever wanted to be in a person. My aggressiveness in everything that I do and accomplish comes from the inside of my soul - portraying my true feelings - my true self. It's crazy how I've changed. People like to look at me and judge me for what they see or think. A lot of the time they're right, because being that my personality's really strong - shit's true. But when people say things about me, they should say things that I am - not what they think I am without even knowing. I'm not a SLUT and never have been in my life. Tell me something I know. My definition of SLUT is a hoe; somone who fucks around, a girl that's easy, available to guys. I might have given myself to someone for the wrong reasons recently, and made things happen, but it's only the one person I always been with. But, the word for that definitely isn't a SLUT, come up with something else please. I'm not a bitch - but I will be only if u fuck with me in any way - then it's true. I don't use people for cheap trips to Hawaii and I never fuckin' have. Talk to me first before shit gets said. I mean, people are really entitled to their own opinion, but wouldn't it be more valid if they questioned the validity of their remarks or opinions, so there's reason to say things that are said? I don't understand. But above all the negative things that have happened to me, I've been able to experience so much. I've really developed deep and intense relationships with my friends, the people I love. I have been able to get to know people because of my interest in their lives and their interest in mine. I am so fortunate to have the friends I have who appreciate the things that I do. I'm lucky to be able to strip myself of any insecurity I have of myself, just to be my true self in their presence. I've learned to be alone and really feel - really feel the things that I experience in my everyday life. Chocolate's never tasted any better. TO BE CONTINUED