| Feelings may be the hardest thing to explain in words because of the complexity they bring to our lives. And sometimes feelings could be simple, easy to understand. I've experienced many feelings, as does every person existing does - but only now have been introduced to a new set, a new set of feelings that has opened my eyes.
Everybody has a set plan of how they want their life to turn out. I want to finish school, find a good job, share my life with someone, and have kids to pass my knowledge on to. These are my main goals in life and in my mind, I'm anxious to get there. But the reality of life is that things really do not turn out the way you plan them to be. Three years ago, my life was totally different than what it is now. I was very insecure, but I wasn't lonely. I had someone to share myself with, but wasn't happy. I was partying too much but was lost in life and made many mistakes. I would never have thought that I would be where I am today in life. I'm lonely, but I'm secure about myself in so many ways. I'm so happy with life, but have no one to really share it with the way I deeply want to. I've learned from my mistakes and have found stablitiy in life and my surroundings. I believe I've come a long way and am grateful to God that he has helped me get where I am because I'm ready to face whatever comes my way.
So, this week I've been introduced to a new set of feelings that has enabled me to reflect on my life. I've learned that tragic things can happen to people all the time. It may happen because of reason and it may happen due to accident. But it may happen. And whether it is deserved or not, it is a reality. And because of a tragedy, I've experienced feelings of sadness, pain, happiness, confusion, and anger.
Thru this experience, I've learned several things about life. And deep in my heart I've felt things so deep. I've been able to tell myself to seriously change my life so that I could do good and spread love to others in some way. I've learned that I truly love certain people because of their influence in my life. And I've realized that I need to make them know that I feel for them this way before it's too late. Life is short. I've learned to appreciate the people who love me and give thanks to those who care about me. They love me for who I am, and I'm fortunate. Honestly. I've learned to let negativity go because it could cause unnecessary things to happen. Seriously. I've learned that I need to strengthen my relationships and rekindle old ones because the people involved in my life are important to me. They're why I am who I am. I've learned to cherish family because they will have a connection to me that others cannot. Blood is thicker than water. And I've learned that hatred can be an addiction that may make you into a person you don't want to be.
I love my family. I love my friends. I love my life. And I don't want that to never be not known. I need to change a lot about me and am ready to look at my faults and accept the wrongs I've done. It'd be a start to livin' the new life I think would make a difference in many ways.
The death of a friend has opened my eyes and has made me feel things that have been hard to deal with. Undescribable feelings of sadness has caused tears to fall from my eyes that cause a new kind of pain. And I'm so sorry this had to happen. I'm just fortunate enough to have several memories of him and am deeply effected by this tragedy. But I am very grateful for the lessons that I've learned in this time. I've realized that it is important to me to make changes in my life and do well. Again, I love the people who have helped me live my life so much. And there's really nothing better than just livin' life to the fullest, lovin' those who love you, and appreciating everything that comes your way.
And if you've read thru this whole thing, thank you. This is something very important to me.
RIP JUSTIN MENDOZA |
