TRIGGERS

Lots of triggers lately, I'm shaking as I type about it. So I write. I work. I type. I learn. I sing. I ENJOY my life. BUT there are triggers that remind me of how much I miss him. And it creeps up, the timing is bad, and I want to run. I listen to CDs and SONGs. I meet people and talk about things I know. I'm singing at the wedding tomorrow and it's coming from my soul.. AND I'm going to NEW YORK!!!! All of a sudden, things don't become fun because I feel sadness. My cup becomes empty for a second. BUT I know it will be filled. I just have to wait and see. I trust it. it will come. I'll be patient because I'm so happy with my life right now. I am. The sadness becomes OK and the root of something AMAZING forms. I just miss him so much. You know how it feels like to miss something that was there all the time. You don't realize what you had until it's gone. Not even another man's touch can help me forget. Not even the tightest hug from a child. Not even the tastiest candy in the batch. Not even the new love I've found. So I've learned that it doesn't go away. I sit with it, with the feeling of missing him, of loosing my best friend. And realize that it's supposed to be like this. I'm supposed to feel it all. It's the root of my strength. It's the root of my soul. It's the root of my being. It's where MAGICAL things come from! And I'm doing it because I'm channeling the sadness into something EXTRAORDINARY! I have many riches. I'm strong. So I find it in myself to write. This is the best stuff to write about. To release it. To release the feelings. Just WORDS. Sometimes it doesn't even make sense and the next thing I know I've created my masterpiece.,. Man, I've taken a lot from the experience. And it sailed its course... I need inspiration. NY here I come!!! LA here I come!!! I can't wait to get away!!!!