In the past, there were times when I didn't know how to be happy. Times when I was dependent on another person to give me what I want. Times when I forced another person to drive me to ecstasy, drive me to be content, drive me to feel what I wanted to feel at a given moment. Through experience, I found it in myself and in my heart to learn what made myself happy. During difficult times, I have to remember where to find this happiness....
In 2009, I find myself doing a lot of thinking. What makes me happy? What do I want? What's important to me? At 25 years old, I've finally realized that I have a lot of work ahead of me - a lot of reflecting, learning, feeling, mistake making to do to achieve personal growth. And for the first time in my entire life, with the help of the people that I love, I have a grasp of an understanding to myself - There's a lot of SHIT in my CLOSET.
...I'm an ARTIST. I'm creative, deep, hard to grasp at times. So bear with me. Let me explain...
my CLOSET is Like my soul. The simile of my life. It's filled with things that are stuffed, jammed, scrunched together. Things are stacked on top of each other, over each other, compiled in a plethora of what visually looks like junk. There's substance, style - a uniqueness in everything that makes it up - but this one-of-a-kindness is difficult to see, difficult to understand, difficult to comprehend. It's scattered and disorganized. I'm bold and strong. I'm aggressive - just like the things that I have. I'm LOST and difficult to find - just like the pair of matching polk-a-dot snowboarding socks missing. I'm sensitive and soft - just like my satin paisley robe I like to sleep in.
I needed something to help me find my sanity. I found it difficult to work, difficult to love and make love, difficult to dance, difficult to think, difficult to live. I needed something to help me be my true self - to utilize the strengths of my personality - something I could run, build, and create. Involving myself in other people's lives and helping them with their dreams wasn't enough. I needed something that was my baby. It'd be something to help me sort out my soul, my closet, something that came natural that I'd love to do. So I made a list of things that I LOVED and inspired me...
- Music - singing/making music
- helping people, helping them find the happiness that I find in myself
- Having a clear understanding of myself
- my guy
- making the initiate to be unique
- teaching people things
I took each of these things, analyzed what I learn from each, what I feel from each and found myself.
In a nut shell, this is what I found:
I want my own business - to manage and create an establishment beyond what I ever imagined. I dream to sing, to study music, and to teach it from my soul. To make people feel the words in song different than any other person. I want to have the drive that will achieve my dream and the drive to have a plan to make it all happen.
...THUS I created STEPH's closet - Vintage clothing selling for cheap...
I know I jumped the gun, skipped a couple of euphoric idea generating moves that eventually got me to start up selling the clothes...BUT basically, this is where it all began. As I sell each piece of clothing, my closet - OR my soul - makes more sense. I have created an experience for my customers that exemplifies key things - personal assistance, unique choice of clothing pertaining specifically to the person, the feeling of friendship and the need to help them feel good about themselves.
I'm in LOVE. And it's amazing that this is happening.
...more BLOGs to come...
