STEPH

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

...in my pants...

When I was 5, kids made fun of me in school. I looked different, acted different, and felt different- eyes bulged out my sockets, was off the walls bouncing with energy, and felt extraordinary special. I took medicine for my hyper thyroid everyday at lunch and was ashamed of it. One day, I pissed myself - in my skirt/jumper uniform and nude tights.

When I was 6, my best friend slept over and said I wet the bed. I could have sworn I didn't, but she said I did. The sheets were cold.

When I was 18 I cut school and played hookie with a boy in my car. I went to McDonalds to dry my stretchy khaki pants before I had to go back to my last class. They got wet. I think I used the hot air dryer and what was left of the paper towels.

When I was 19 I ate at Benihana for my cousins birthday and sharted before I opened my house garage.

When I was 21 I had an upset stomach during dance rehearsal in Oakland. Let's just say I was on the Bay Bridge in traffic on a Saturday night and was miles from a Shell public restroom. My brother and mom said the smell in my car was very unpleasant.

And in my pants at 26, I found two golden strands catching my eye. Actually, they're white.

...in my pants, it happens...

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

To Do LIST

- pay phone bill
- pay off tempurpedic bed on layaway
- make invitations for dinner date
- complete application
- laundry
- maintain/update STEPH's Closet big cartel website
- find CLUB to throw party on 3/13
- buy a MIC @ guitar center
- buy a laptop
- write a song
- practice/record Lloyd's hook
- record YouTube video
- go to Genious Bar to see if a genious could restore my G4
- call Therese
- find an apartment

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Friday, February 5, 2010

Strength

Today I find the strength to get thru the day, to feel thru my feelings, to get by with the thoughts in my mind. Today I pray for the strength to help myself find peace, content, and awareness of my life's current reality. Today I sit with myself. Today I comfort myself. Today I hold on to hope. Today I slowly learn, slowly feel, and slowly face my fears. Today I get in touch with my soul. Today I open up wounds. Today I get closer to healing. Today I face it all. Today I let myself be me.

Today will help me with tomorrow. Today will help me find me.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Go getter- I do it for love

I will go after what I want and take risks. I have nothing to loose, nothing holding me or stopping me from moving forward.

I want to sell Vintage Clothes on the world wide web. I want to style, be a stylist. I want to sing, perform live, and do shows - I want to Sing. I want to write. I want to grow as a performer. I want to dance and challenge my body. I want to find happiness in the things that I do and love.

I'm going to go and be a go getter. And I will find LOVE in myself.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Thank you 2009

2009 was and is, still, the hardest year of my life.

I lost so many things, I'm surprised I'm even sane. I lost my routine life. I lost my sense of self at one point. I lost my mind. I lost happiness. I lost a best friend. I lost love. I lost money. I lost people I love. I lost relationships I cherished. I lost my apartment. I lost my job. I thought I lost it all.

There were times I experienced pain I never knew existed: pain that cut my flesh into my veins deep thru my bones, nights I cried myself to sleep, and umbearable sadness that derived from my pit. There were times I wanted to give up and loose all hope of getting better. To be truthful, my soul hasn't been the same since. There's still pieces I need to find to put myself in place. I'll be constantly working at that.

But miracles happen around me everyday. I'm surrounded by angels that help me in my life - guardians, guides, messages, signs that keep me moving, growing, and loving. And I'm thankful and grateful to learn about myself, the life I live, and the universe I'm in. I'm fortunate to have the support and energy I surround myself with. I feel untouchable andante certain to achieve my dreams. I'm amazed.

You loose things to make more room for other things - Different things, new things. And I'm thankful for 2009 because I've learned this.

I'm in touch with myself more than ever and I'm ready to share myself with the world.

Thank you 2009

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone